Beyond the Nuclear Family: Unraveling Norms & Embracing the Spectrum of Relationships (Part 5)

This is Part 5 in a seven-part series. This part discusses how relationships can be personalized, moving away from standardization.

This is Part 5 in a seven-part series. To start at the beginning, click here!

Embracing a “Keep What Works” Philosophy in Relationships

Adopting a “keep what works” philosophy encourages a pragmatic, personalized approach to relationships that values consent, communication, and alignment above societal norms or expectations. This philosophy respects monogamy as a valid choice while acknowledging that it is not the only path to fulfilling relationships. By emphasizing consent and personal agency, this approach allows individuals to craft their relationship structures based on what genuinely serves their needs, desires, and circumstances.

At the core of the “keep what works” philosophy is the principle of consent. This means actively choosing a relationship structure because it aligns with one’s values and desires, not because it’s seen as the default or only acceptable option. Consent here is ongoing and involves continuous communication about needs, boundaries, and expectations.

Life is dynamic, and so are people’s needs and circumstances. A “keep what works” approach recognizes that what is suitable for an individual or relationship at one point in time might change. This philosophy encourages adaptability – the willingness to reassess and modify relationship agreements as partners evolve and their lives change. This could mean shifting a relationship structure, depending on what best meets the needs of the individuals at different life stages.

Effective communication is pivotal in a “keep what works” approach. It involves openly discussing wants, expectations, and potential concerns within any relationship structure, whether monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between. This ongoing dialogue ensures that all parties feel heard, respected, and valued, fostering a stronger, more understanding connection.

I’d like to emphasize that monogamy, when chosen freely and consciously, can be a deeply fulfilling way to experience love and partnership. However, this choice should be made from a place of desire and mutual agreement, not out of fear, societal pressure, or unexamined adherence to norms. This distinction is crucial in distinguishing between compulsory monogamy and consensual, intentional monogamy.

The “keep what works” philosophy offers a liberating framework for thinking about relationships, one that places personal agency, consent, and genuine fulfillment at its core. By embracing this approach, individuals and communities can foster a more inclusive, supportive environment that recognizes the validity of monogamy, non-monogamy, and everything in between, based on informed, consensual choices. This philosophy encourages us to build relationships that truly reflect our values, needs, and the complexities of our lives, offering a path to more authentic, satisfying connections.

Join me for my next post, Part 6, about how we can start to reimagine relationship norms.