Exclusivity: Creating In-Groups & Out-Groups
Tools of Oppression in Relationships
This article is part of my Tools of Oppression in Relationships series. Click here to start from the beginning.
Exclusivity is a tool of oppression rooted in the deliberate creation of in-groups and out-groups, fostering division by promising privilege to some while marginalizing others. It thrives on the allure of belonging and the fear of exclusion, reinforcing hierarchies that isolate and control. While closely tied to scarcity and competition, exclusivity operates with precision: it does not merely create conflict or a sense of lack, it deliberately enforces boundaries that sustain inequality and hinder meaningful connection.
As humanity becomes increasingly interconnected, the divisive nature of exclusivity not only undermines diversity but also weakens the resilience we need to face global challenges. To understand its impact, we must explore the psychology driving it and the unique harms it inflicts on relationships and, therefore, systems.
The Psychology of Exclusivity
Exclusivity draws its power from psychological needs for belonging, security, and identity, exploiting our instincts to maintain power-over systems. Exclusivity perverts our natural need for belonging, transforming it into a competition, leading people to believe that in order to be in community, we must exclude some. It operates through a cycle of inclusion and exclusion, conditioning individuals to both crave acceptance and fear rejection, making exclusivity deeply ingrained and damaging.
Exclusivity offers the illusion of belonging but on conditional terms. Members of in-groups are pressured to conform, suppressing authenticity to maintain their position. This has a negative effect on trust and self-expression, leaving people anxious and insecure, even within the in-group.
Exclusivity fosters self-oppression by placing relentless pressure on individuals to secure or maintain their position. Whether it’s financial overextension to signal wealth, emotional compromise to fit into social circles, or excessive competition in professional spaces, striving for exclusivity becomes an exhausting pursuit that undermines well-being.
Exclusivity fosters mistrust, as those within the in-group fear betrayal and competition from others, while those excluded harbor resentment. This dynamic is isolating and makes relationships more transactional and fragile. Exclusivity stifles vulnerability and collaboration, the very traits needed for genuine connection.
Exclusivity’s Unique Harms
Exclusivity reinforces separation and stifles diversity, undermining both individual relationships and broader systems.
Exclusivity fosters control and rigidity. In romantic relationships, it manifests as possessiveness, where love and attention are treated as finite resources – a result of scarcity mindset. This dynamic encourages jealousy, restricts openness, and turns relationships into transactional exchanges. Among friends and families, exclusivity creates cliques and favoritism, breeding jealousy and mistrust, leading to an “inner circle” dynamic, leading to fractured connections and feelings of inadequacy.
Exclusivity in education perpetuates inequality by restricting access to knowledge. College admissions, for example, frame education and knowledge as a limited privilege for the few rather than a right for all, maintaining economic and racial inequities. Institutions maintain artificial scarcity by intentionally admitting only a small percentage of applicants, ensuring prestige through exclusion, prioritizing those with wealth and access to resources while excluding others based on systemic disadvantages. The emphasis on degrees from prestigious institutions creates a hierarchy of knowledge, devaluing alternative pathways and perpetuating the belief that worth is tied to exclusivity.
Immigration policies create tiers of humanity, granting rights and protections to some while denying them to others based on nationality, race, or socioeconomic status. These arbitrary boundaries reinforce global inequities and scarcity, as well as hinder collective problem-solving. Exclusivity in this context exacerbates systemic inequalities, preventing marginalized groups from accessing opportunities and safety. By restricting movement and resources, exclusivity and citizenship as a general concept perpetuate the myth that some groups are inherently more deserving of stability and prosperity than others.
Exclusivity embedded in consumer culture normalizes competition and waste. The purposeful creation of scarcity around “exclusive” items drives consumerism, turning possession into a status symbol. This fuels inequality as access is reserved for those with wealth or privilege, while the broader culture internalizes the belief that exclusivity equates to value. Along the same lines, sales events like Black Friday turn consumption into a competitive act, reinforcing the idea that value lies in scarcity rather than accessibility. The results are overconsumption, waste, and exploitation of labor and resources to meet artificial demand.
The Cost of Exclusivity
Exclusivity harms both the excluded and the included. For those excluded, it creates systemic barriers, mistrust, and diminished access to resources and opportunities. For those within in-groups, it fosters fragility, isolation, and the pressure to conform. In both cases, exclusivity undermines the adaptability and diversity essential for long-term resilience.
In relationships, homogeneity reduces opportunities for growth and understanding, as differing perspectives are excluded. Systems that rely on exclusivity fail to adapt to challenges, as they exclude the innovative solutions and ideas that come from diverse voices. Think of all the ideas that have never been explored because the person who thought of them was trapped in despair and oppression, unable to flesh them out due to where they were born, their life circumstances, and their struggle to simply survive. In a world facing global challenges, exclusivity weakens our collective ability to respond effectively by creating artificial divisions.
Whether in ecosystems or human systems, diversity is critical for long-term survival. Exclusivity limits the range of perspectives and ideas that drive innovation and adaptability. As globalization intensifies, humanity increasingly functions as one interconnected being. Exclusivity, by separating us into in-groups and out-groups, actively prevents this interdependence. Artificial boundaries delay collective action on urgent issues, while maintaining systems that prioritize division over collaboration. Exclusivity actively harms the foundations of equity, collaboration, and resilience, leaving relationships and systems fragile and unsustainable.