As humans, we crave connection with others. Whether it’s a familial bond, an intellectual exchange, a platonic friendship, a physical attraction, or a sexual encounter, these connections bring richness and depth to our lives. In this post, I will introduce each of these connections and how they contribute to our relationships.
Dr. Sundiata Soon-Jahta and I work together to make sense of relationships. We work to find ways to help people find and maintain sustainable relationships in their lives. This work springs from our collective mind.
As I often do, I will only introduce concepts in this post. I will expand on the ideas in future posts.
Check out my previous post about desirability and compatibility here.
Familial Connection — Compatibility Focused
The familial bond is one of the most fundamental connections we have as human beings. It is the bond we share with our blood relatives, but it can also extend to those who are not related to us by blood but who we consider to be family. The characteristics of a familial connection include a shared history, unconditional love, and a sense of belonging. This connection is created by a shared genetic code, but it can also be formed through adoption, marriage, close friendships, and other mergings of lives.
Intellectual Connection — Compatibility Focused
An intellectual connection is based on shared interests, values, and ideas. It involves deep conversations, dialogue, and discussions that challenge and stimulate the mind. The characteristics of an intellectual connection include mutual respect, curiosity, and an appreciation for each other’s minds. This connection is created by shared passions for learning, creativity, and exploration.
Platonic Connection — Compatibility Focused
A platonic connection is a deep friendship. It is built on mutual respect, trust, and shared values. The characteristics of a platonic connection include feelings of safety, open communication, and a sense of belonging. This connection is created by shared experiences, common interests, and a willingness to support each other through thick and thin.
Attraction — Desirability Focused
Attraction is what draws us to another person. Attraction is very subjective and is based heavily on visual cues such as facial features, body type, and body language. Other factors that influence attraction include scent, charm, and idiosyncrasies. The characteristics of attraction include chemistry, desirability, and excitement. Physical attraction can also lead to a desire to be close to the other person, whether that be through touch, affection, or intimacy.
Sexual Connection — Desirability Focused
A sexual connection is based on physical attraction and intimacy. It involves a shared desire for pleasure and intimacy and a willingness to explore each other’s bodies and desires. The characteristics of a sexual connection include trust, communication, and mutual consent. This connection is created by a deep level of trust, openness, and a willingness to be vulnerable with each other.
Romantic Connection
A romantic connection is a combination of strong compatibility and strong desirability. It is built on a foundation of trust, communication, shared values, and mutual attraction. Familial, intellectual, and platonic connections form the basis of the most sustainable romantic relationship by providing a strong emotional bond, a sense of shared purpose, and a deep understanding of each other’s desires and needs. Attraction and sexual connection deepen the bond by providing physical expression of intimacy and desire.
Putting it Together
Each of these connections brings a unique flavor to our relationships with others. The degree to which you feel each connection will differ from person to person. Whether it’s the unconditional love of a family member, the stimulating conversations of an intellectual partner, laughter and fun with a platonic friend, or the physical pleasure of a sexual encounter, these connections enrich our lives and bring us closer to people. Combine all these connections and you likely have a deeply connected and sustainable romantic relationship. By understanding these connections and how they interact with each other, we can build even deeper, more meaningful and sustainable relationships with people we care about.
Using buckets as an analogy, take a look at the diagram below.
In future posts, I will go into more detail about these types of connections, how they overlap and interact, as well as how they inform our relationships.