In my previous post, I introduced the idea that there are different types of connections and, using buckets as an analogy, these different types of connections contribute to the relationships in our lives in various ways and contexts. Different combinations of alignments and resonance in the buckets can pinpoint and name the types of relationships that could potentially be sustainable in our lives. For example, in the last post, I briefly discussed how high levels in all the buckets can lead to a sustainable romantic relationship.
In this post, I am going to dive a little deeper and define each of the three compatibility-focused buckets — familial, intellectual, and platonic.
Familial
A familial connection usually refers to the relationship between people who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption. It is a bond that can connect family members, regardless of distance or time.
Characteristics of a familial connection include:
Love and affection: There is a deep sense of love and affection between family members. This love is often unconditional; it exists regardless of circumstances or behavior.
Shared history: Family members share a history that includes both positive and negative experiences. This shared history contributes to a sense of belonging and helps to strengthen the bond.
Mutual support: Family members often provide each other with support during difficult times. This can include emotional support, practical help, or financial assistance.
Loyalty: Family members are often fiercely loyal to each other. They stand by each other through thick and thin. Their loyalty is not easily shaken.
Responsibility: Family members have a sense of responsibility towards each other. They feel a duty to help each other when needed and to work together towards common goals.
Familial connections are special bonds that are built on love, shared experiences, and mutual support. It is a connection that can bring great joy and fulfillment to people’s lives, especially in difficult times.
Familial connections can occur between people who are not related also. Shared experiences, emotional support, common interests, shared values, and a deep sense of commitment that often develop over long periods of time can and do foster familial connections with people who are not blood relatives. Lacking these can also weaken familial connections between people who are related.
Intellectual
An intellectual connection refers to a bond between two people that is based on shared interests, thoughts, ideas, and values. It is a connection that goes beyond surface-level conversations and involves a deep understanding and respect for each other’s thoughts and perspectives.
Characteristics of an intellectual connection:
Mutual curiosity: This characterizes an intellectual connection between two people. They are genuinely interested in each other’s ideas, opinions, and perspectives. They seek to learn from each other.
Shared interests: People with an intellectual connection often share common interests and passions. They may have similar hobbies, enjoy the same types of art or music, and/or have a shared interest in a particular field of study.
Intellectual stimulation: Intellectual connections provide intellectual stimulation for both people involved. They challenge each other’s ideas, engage in thought-provoking discussions, and push each other to think critically and creatively.
Respectful disagreement: While people with a strong intellectual connection might not always agree with each other, they approach disagreements with respect and open-mindedness. They listen to each other’s points of view and engage in constructive dialogue to find common ground.
Emotional connection: While an intellectual connection is primarily based on shared ideas and values, there is often an emotional component too. People with a very aligned intellectual connection may feel a sense of excitement or inspiration when discussing ideas with each other, and may feel a deep sense of respect and admiration for each other’s intellectual abilities.
Intellectual connections bond two people based on shared interests, values, and a mutual respect for each other’s minds. It is a connection that can bring great fulfillment and intellectual stimulation to our lives. These connections can lead to amazing lifelong connections and collaborations.
Platonic
Platonic connections are based on friendship, mutual respect, and shared interests or experiences. Some of the characteristics of a platonic connection are the same or similar to the characteristics of familial and intellectual connections.
Characteristics of a platonic connection:
Mutual respect: Platonic connections have a deep respect for each other. They value each other’s opinions, listen attentively, and are supportive of each other’s goals and dreams.
Shared experiences: A platonic connection is often formed through shared experiences. Sometimes friends go through their shared experiences with each other simultaneously; other times, each person has had similar experiences in their past and they are able to bond over similar life paths.
Emotional support: In a platonic connection, people provide emotional support for each other. They are there for each other during tough times, listen without judgment, and provide a safe space for each other to express themselves.
Trust: Trust is essential in platonic connections. People with these connections trust each other with personal information, secrets, and vulnerabilities. They feel comfortable and safe being themselves around each other. They express their feelings without fear of judgment or rejection. Friends are able to understand each other’s perspectives, validate each other’s feelings, and be there for each other during both good times and bad. Friends feel safe and seen with each other.
Honesty: People in aligned platonic connections are able to speak candidly with each other, share their opinions, and give constructive feedback without fear of judgment or rejection.
Communication styles: Friends feel like they speak the same language. They have a common understanding of each other’s communication patterns. Friends are able to avoid misunderstandings because they rarely misinterpret each other’s messages. If they do face misunderstandings, their shared language and style reduces the likelihood of hurt feelings and resentment. When communication styles are similar, understanding each other is easy and comfortable. When two people are very platonically aligned, they may use similar tones, gestures, and expressions, making it easier for them to understand each other and express themselves. Empathetic and considerate communication is a marker of a strong platonic connection.
Conflict resolution: Conflict is inevitable but friends are able to resolve conflicts in a respectful and constructive way. They should be able to listen to each other’s perspectives, communicate their feelings calmly, and work toward finding common ground. Having shared communication styles encourages this type of alignment in conflict resolution.
Fun: Platonic connections often have an element of fun and lightheartedness. Platonically connected people can enjoy shared interests and activities together, have a good sense of humor with each other, and find ways to make each other laugh.
When people experience great alignment in a platonic relationship, they feel deeply connected. This bucket is based on mutual respect, shared experiences, emotional support, trust, and honesty. Friendships also have a strong element of fun. Effective communication is key, especially when it comes to resolving conflicts and feeling safe, seen, and understood. These aspects strengthen the bond between two people. Platonic relationships are often the “meat” of romantic relationships — they contribute largely to a fulfilling and meaningful connection that brings great joy, comfort, and support to our lives.
In my next post, I will dive a little deeper into the desirability-focused buckets — attraction and sexual. Future posts will go into more detail, nuance, and advice about each bucket. Hope to see you next time!