In my last post, I introduced the compatibility buckets — familial, intellectual, and platonic — and listed some of their defining characteristics. (Start with my earlier post, Exploring Types of Connections, for an introduction to the concept and to the bucket analogy.)
In this post, I will define and characterize the desirability buckets — attraction and sexual.
Attraction
Of all the buckets, this may be the most difficult one to pin down and articulate clearly. Keep in mind that this is just a general overview of the attraction bucket. There is definitely more to be said than I provide in this post. In later posts, where I will go into more detail about each bucket, I will expand more on attraction.
Attraction between two people refers to the feeling of being drawn to or interested in another person. Attraction can arise from various factors or combinations of factors, including physical appearance, shared interests, personality traits, etc.
Attraction is characterized by many indicators and is highly subjective. Below, I have included some of the ways that people can be attracted to one another:
Facial features: People may be attracted to specific facial features. This may lead one to call someone beautiful or handsome.
Body type: People may be attracted to a particular body type or physique. This may lead one to call someone sexy.
Style and fashion: People may be attracted to a person’s style and fashion sense, including their clothing choices, accessories, and personal grooming habits.
Voice and speech: People may be attracted to the sound of a person’s voice or their way of speaking, such as their accent, tone, pitch, and cadence.
Scent: People may be attracted to a person’s natural scent or the scent of the cologne or perfume they choose to wear.
Touch: People may be attracted to the way a person feels or responds to touch, such as their skin texture, sensitivity, and responsiveness.
Posture and body language: People may be attracted to a person’s posture and body language, such as their confidence, gracefulness, or energy.
Mannerisms and quirks: People may be attracted to a person’s unique mannerisms or quirks, such as a particular laugh, gesture, or facial expression.
Ultimately, attraction is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that can be influenced by a variety of factors, including physical appearance, personality traits, communication styles, shared interests, and idiosyncrasies. Different types of attraction exist and they can have varying degrees of influence on one’s overall attraction to another person. (More on this in future posts.) It’s worth noting again that attraction is very subjective and can vary from person to person. What one person finds attractive may not be the same for someone else.
Sexual
A sexual connection with another person is a type of intimate relationship that involves physical and sexual attraction, as well as sexual activity and expression. Sexual connections can exist independently of all other types of connections or can coexist with them.
Characteristics of a sexual connection:
Physical attraction: A sexual connection typically starts with physical attraction, which can involve finding someone attractive based on their appearance, body type, voice, and/or scent.
Sexual attraction: Sexual attraction refers to the desire to engage in sexual activity with someone, which can be based on a range of factors, including physical appearance, personality, sense of humor, and/or communication style.
Sexual expression: Sexual connection involves sexual expression, which can be physical (such as kissing, touching, intercourse, etc.) or verbal (such as talking about sexual desires or fantasies).
Consent and communication: A strong sexual connection requires clear communication and mutual consent to ensure that both individuals are comfortable and consenting to all sexual activity.
It’s important to note that sexual connection can take many forms and can look different for each individual or relationship. Some people may prioritize physical pleasure and experimentation, while others may focus more on emotional intimacy and connection. The key is for both people to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires, and to engage in sexual activity in a safe, respectful, and consensual manner.
An aligned sexual connection with another person involves physical and sexual attraction, sexual expression, and maybe emotional connection. It’s important to note that sexual connection can take many forms and can look different for each individual or relationship; there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
My upcoming posts will cover each bucket separately in more detail with more nuance. I hope you’ll join me and that you will be able to understand your relationships better as a result.