Moral Judgment: Dividing Right From Wrong
Tools of Oppression in Relationships
This article is part of my Tools of Oppression in Relationships series. Click here to start from the beginning.
I can already hear you questioning how morality could be a tool of oppression. Morals are good, right? Many assume that morality exists to keep society in order, ensuring people do the “right” thing. Where would we be without morals, right? But think about all that we have discussed in this series so far…What if morality, as we have inherited it, was never about fairness or justice? What if it was designed to serve those in power by shaping the way we see ourselves and each other?
Moral judgment, as wielded by power-over systems, is not about justice, ethics, or fairness. It is about control, shame, and blame. Unlike ethics, which center harm reduction and the well-being of individuals and communities, morality in oppressive systems is designed to dictate behavior, enforce conformity, and punish deviation. It does not exist to guide people toward better relationships or collective care – it exists to ensure obedience.
Moral judgment is a mechanism that keeps people aligned with standardized expectations by weaponizing fear. It tells people that if they step outside the boundaries of what is deemed “right” and “good,” they will not only face external consequences but also internal shame and social rejection. These moral structures are deeply internalized, so much so that even when external authorities are absent, people police themselves and each other, reinforcing the systems that harm them.
What makes moral judgment oppressive is how it forces people into binary categories of good and bad, worthy and unworthy, pure and corrupt. These binaries leave no room for complexity, growth, or nuance. Instead, they create rigid moral hierarchies that determine who deserves respect, protection, or even life itself.
Moral judgment as we know it today is heavily influenced by religious doctrine, particularly the Abrahamic religions, with Christianity shaping much of the Western world’s moral framework. This religious influence is so deeply embedded in society that even secular institutions reinforce its moral codes – often without question.
Morality vs. Ethics – A Key Distinction
Many people conflate morality and ethics but they are not the same.
Morality is dictated by power, shaped by religion, colonization, and dominant cultural forces. It enforces rules without context, punishing those who deviate.
Ethics are rooted in critical thought, nuance, and harm reduction. Ethical frameworks prioritize well-being over rigid adherence to arbitrary rules.
Morality is subjective and culturally constructed, yet it is presented as universal and absolute. What is considered “moral” has shifted drastically across time and geography, exposing its arbitrary nature. Ethical principles, however, remain relatively constant – what reduces harm and promotes care is ethical, regardless of time or place.
Oppressive systems rely on moral judgment, not ethics, because morality is easier to manipulate. Ethics require critical thinking, while morality only demands obedience.
Moral Judgment & the Legacy of Colonization
Those who follow the expected path of obtaining degrees, securing “stable” jobs, and accumulating wealth are praised as responsible and respectable. Meanwhile, those who question or reject this model – by choosing alternative careers, prioritizing other things over profit, or refusing to participate in capitalist exploitation – are seen as naive, reckless, or morally deficient.
People who remain deeply tied to religious and cultural expectations are often placed on a moral pedestal, while those who step outside of those expectations – whether by leaving faith, challenging gender roles, or rejecting traditional family obligations – are shamed as corrupt or lost.
Many of the moral codes that shape today’s societies are direct products of colonialism. Colonizers imposed rigid moral structures, often intertwined with religious doctrine, to erase indigenous knowledge, enforce control, and justify oppression. Examples:
Sexuality & Gender
Colonization replaced indigenous understandings of gender and sexuality with rigid, binary categories. Many pre-colonial societies had more expansive views of gender and accepted same-sex relationships, but Christian missionaries and colonial rulers imposed European morality, criminalizing queerness and policing gender expression.
Moral judgment, particularly through religious and patriarchal influence, has long been used to control women and queer people. Women are shamed for sexual agency while men are excused for predatory behavior. Queer people are told their love is unnatural, while institutions that enforce these moral judgments hide abuse behind closed doors. The rigid moral structures around gender and sexuality create deep shame and alienation for those who do not conform.
Queerness, gender nonconformity, and nontraditional family structures are often framed as moral failings rather than neutral expressions of human diversity. Many marginalized people internalize this shame, suppressing parts of themselves or actively condemning others who live freely.
Work & Productivity
The capitalist work ethic, rooted in Protestant Christianity, moralizes productivity. Hard work is equated with virtue, while rest, pleasure, or communal care is framed as laziness and moral failure. This fuels economic oppression, ensuring that people continue laboring under unjust conditions, believing their suffering to be noble and necessary.
Capitalist morality insists that productivity is a moral virtue. People who work multiple jobs just to survive are praised for their grit, while those who struggle – whether due to disability, burnout, or systemic barriers – are labeled as lazy, undeserving, and morally inferior. This narrative ensures that the poor blame themselves for their conditions rather than questioning the systems that create inequality.
Many people stay in unfulfilling careers because they believe financial stability is not just practical, but moral. Hard work is framed as a virtue, while stepping away from capitalism’s grind is often labeled as laziness, irresponsibility, or selfishness. The internalized belief that success must be earned through struggle keeps people tethered to systems that exploit them. What is most ironic is that many of those who work the hardest are paid the least and those who don’t seem to do much are paid exorbitant amounts, reinforcing that the whole system is a sham.
Obedience & Authority
Colonization instilled the idea that submission to authority is moral. Many cultures that valued collective decision-making and mutual aid were forced into hierarchies where obedience was framed as the highest virtue and questioning authority was seen as dangerous and immoral.
The justice system does not merely punish crime, it moralizes it. Those labeled as criminals are seen as inherently bad, rather than as products of a society that has systematically denied them resources, opportunities, and dignity. Meanwhile, those in power – who commit atrocities at a global scale – remain untouched, because their actions are framed as lawful, necessary, or even heroic.
In reality, a standardized path is not inherently moral or good – it is simply the one that benefits power-over systems the most. The more people follow it without question, the less they challenge the structures that maintain oppression. These moral frameworks were not designed to serve the people who were being colonized – they were designed to serve systems of power.
Moral Judgment as a Self-Policing Tool
Shame is one of the most effective tools of control. Unlike legal punishment, which requires external enforcement, shame works from the inside out. It conditions people to regulate their own behavior in ways that serve oppressive systems. Those who fail to meet imposed moral standards are labeled unworthy, deviant, or corrupt, ensuring that they remain either ostracized or in a constant state of self-correction. Binary morality serves one purpose: to keep people policing themselves and each other, ensuring that those in power remain unquestioned.
Fear of Consequences
Many people do not question morality because they fear the social and emotional consequences of deviating. They are afraid of being seen as “bad” or “wrong,” not necessarily because they believe in morality itself, but because they have been conditioned to fear judgment. When moral judgment is deeply internalized, it creates a relentless fear of failure, not just practical failure, but moral failure. People who do not follow the prescribed path feel not just lost, but wrong. This leads to a cycle of shame, guilt, and self-policing that ensures people remain trapped within oppressive structures.
The Christian concept of heaven and hell establishes morality as a high-stakes game. Rather than ethics being based on harm reduction, justice, or collective well-being, morality is often framed as a personal test of obedience. Those who follow the prescribed rules are rewarded with external salvation and those who deviate face eternal damnation. This instills a fear-based approach to morality rather than one based on critical thought or compassion. Moral judgment does not just shape personal behavior – it creates hierarchies that determine whose lives are valued and whose are condemned.
Internalized Oppression
Moral judgment reinforces standardized paths by making people believe that deviation is not only wrong but shameful. Many people follow standardized life paths not because they align with their true desires but because they have been conditioned to believe that deviation is immoral. The moralization of conformity ensures that people feel obligated to stay within prescribed roles – even when those roles do not serve them.
Christianity begins with the concept that humans are inherently flawed and in need of redemption. This moral framework fosters deep-seated shame, conditioning people to believe that their desires, instincts, and autonomy are inherently to be suspected of being evil.
Social Policing
Marginalized communities, in particular, are trained to police one another based on moral standards that do not serve them. Those who attempt to break free from imposed norms often face the harshest punishment from their own communities, making escape from these structures even more difficult.
When people internalize moral judgment, they become enforcers of their own oppression. They uphold standards that were never meant to protect them, shaming and rejecting those who deviate, even when those alternative paths might offer a chance at liberation.
Those who internalize moral judgment often become enforcers of oppression within their own communities. Parents shame children who reject traditional paths. Friends judge each other for stepping outside of what is deemed acceptable. Marginalized people reinforce dominant norms against their own interests.
Those who adhere to dominant moral standards are deemed worthy of protection and dignity. Those who do not are seen as worthless and disposable. Moral narratives have long been used to justify colonialism, war, slavery, and systemic violence by framing the oppressed as lesser, corrupt, or uncivilized.
Many marginalized people learn that their survival depends on performing morality in ways that appeal to dominant systems. Respectability is used as moral currency: if people dress a certain way, speak a certain way, and avoid confrontation, they will be accepted. This creates a dangerous illusion that worthiness can be earned through conformity. But respectability does not dismantle oppression; it only grants temporary safety within it.
Moral Judgment in Personal Relationships
Moral judgment does not just shape laws and institutions – it seeps into our most intimate relationships, shaping the way people parent, love, and relate to one another.
Parenting & Moral Shame
Many parents teach morality through shame and punishment rather than teaching ethics through empathy and understanding. A child who questions authority is labeled “disrespectful.” A child who struggles in school is seen as lazy rather than unsupported. A neurodiverse child is called difficult. Moral frameworks that fail to accommodate differences create environments of repression rather than growth. Children are often taught that morality is about obedience, not integrity, ensuring they conform rather than think critically.
Many children are raised with the idea that “right is right and wrong is wrong” without any understanding of context, complexity, or individual needs. Children who make mistakes are shamed rather than guided, leading them to internalize self-judgment and fear or failure. This is a great way to instill internalized oppression into future generations.
Romantic Relationships & Moral Roles
Many people just themselves and their partners based on moralistic relationship expectations – often inherited from religious and patriarchal norms. The ideas that a good partner does not leave, a good wife submits, a real man provides – these moralized roles often keep people trapped in unhealthy dynamics, prioritizing adherence to societal expectations over genuine connection, well-being, and authenticity.
Many of these moralized beliefs stem from religious and patriarchal influences, shaping relationship dynamics based on control rather than care.
Moral judgment makes relationships more fragile by discouraging flexibility, self-awareness, and accountability. Many people…
…fear admitting mistakes because they equate imperfection with moral failure. If someone has been conditioned to believe that being a “good person” means adhering to moral standards, they may struggle with accountability in relationships, seeing it as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth.
…judge others based on moral absolutes rather than context and nuance. Many people impose strict moral standards on their partners, seeing differences in communication style, love languages, or emotional needs as moral failings rather than natural variations.
…feel pressure to conform rather than develop authentic connections. People who internalize moral judgment often perform what they think a relationship should look like rather than cultivating a dynamic that is authentic to them.
Breaking free from moral judgment in relationships requires recognizing that love cannot thrive in rigidity and shame. True connection is built on ethics – on mutual respect, care, and adaptability – not on adherence to arbitrary moral rules that prioritize control over fulfillment.
To create relationships that are based on ethical care rather than moral policing, we must:
Separate morality from relationship dynamics. A relationship ending is not a moral failure. Having different needs from a partner is not a moral failing. Love is not about proving virtue – it is about alignment, growth, and mutual fulfillment.
Reject purity-based narratives about love and commitment. It’s okay to differ from a standardized path based on colonialism and religious dogma and live into your own ideas of connection and pleasure.
Embrace ethics over morality. Instead of asking “is this right or wrong?” ask “is this causing harm?” A moralized view of relationships relies on control, but an ethical view prioritizes care and mutual well-being.
Moral judgment can even seep into friendships. Those who struggle – financially, emotionally, or otherwise – are often seen as burdens rather than people in need of care and often find themselves losing friendships. The belief that strong people handle things on their own is a moral judgment that isolates those who need support the most.
When we let go of moralized expectations about relationships, we open ourselves up to deeper, more meaningful connections – ones that are not based on control, fear, or arbitrary standards, but on trust, respect, and shared growth.
Breaking Free from Moral Judgment
To dismantle moral judgment as a tool of oppression, we must shift away from rigid, fear-based morality and move toward ethical frameworks that prioritize harm reduction. It’s important to note that while morality is standardized, ethical approaches are more case-by-case.
Question Where Morals Came From
Ask: Who created this rule? Who benefits from it? Does it reduce harm or does it merely enforce conformity?
Embrace Ethical Complexity
Recognize that morality is not universal. Ethical decision-making requires understanding nuance, not rigidly dividing the world into good and bad.
Reject Shame as a Tool of Control
Shame does not lead to growth; it creates repression. True morality should allow for change, accountability, and complexity. Moral judgment and internalized oppression work in tandem to ensure compliance with oppressive systems. When people internalize the belief that morality is objective, universal, and fixed, they become active participants in their own subjugation. Rather than questioning the systems that create harm, they judge themselves and others through a moral framework that serves those in power.
Ultimately, morality – when used as a tool of judgment and control – is one of the most effective ways oppressive systems keep people in line. Breaking free from moral judgment requires unlearning deeply ingrained fears, questioning who benefits from moral standards imposed upon us, and embracing ethics that center care rather than compliance.
Click here to read the next article in the series - Social Norms: Invisible Handcuffs