Beyond the Nuclear Family: Unraveling Norms & Embracing the Spectrum of Relationships (Part 4)

This is Part 4 in a seven-part series. This part discusses how relationships can be classified on a spectrum.

This is Part 4 in a seven-part series. To start at the beginning, click here!

The Spectrum of Relationships

Relationships, in all their rich array, can be understood through different dimensions or “buckets,” each representing different aspects of connection. These buckets include intellectual, platonic, familial, attraction, and sexual. I discussed this in a few of my previous posts. You can click here for a quick introduction, here for more detail on the compatibility focused buckets, and here for more detail about the desirability focused buckets. Recognizing these varied dimensions allows for a more comprehensive understanding of human connections, moving beyond the simplistic binary of romantic vs. non-romantic or sexual vs. non-sexual relationships. 

Compulsory monogamy, with its stringent norms and expectations, not only narrows the scope of acceptable relationships but can also impede the formation of potentially life-changing connections. By insisting on a singular romantic and sexual partner to fulfill all emotional, intellectual, and physical needs, compulsory monogamy sets a standard that can lead to isolation and unmet needs, especially in the face of life’s changes such as divorce or death.

The expectation within compulsory monogamy that one person should be everything to their partner – encompassing all roles from best friend to intellectual companion to sexual partner – places an immense burden on both individuals. This not only limits personal growth by discouraging diverse social interactions but also places undue pressure on the relationship itself, often leading to dissatisfaction and conflict when the inevitable shortcomings in meeting every need become apparent. 

This all-encompassing expectation contributes to the weakening of broader social networks, as individuals may neglect other relationships in favor of focusing exclusively on romance. In the context of a breakup, divorce, or death, individuals who have adhered too strictly to the principles of compulsory monogamy often find themselves isolated, having not cultivated a wide network of support. This isolation can be particularly acute in later life, a time when broader social connections are crucial for emotional well-being and resilience. 

By valuing romantic and sexual exclusivity above all else, compulsory monogamy often prevents the formation of deep, non-romantic or semi-romantic relationships that could provide significant support, joy, and meaning. The societal stigma against emotional intimacy outside of one’s monogamous romantic relationship discourages people from pursuing and maintaining these connections, leading to missed opportunities for rich, fulfilling interactions across the spectrum of human relationships.

Recognizing the limitations of compulsory monogamy invites us to envision a more inclusive approach to relationships, one that acknowledges and celebrates the diversity of human connections. By challenging the normative pressures to conform to monogamy, individuals can explore a wider range of relationship possibilities, fostering connections that meet various needs and desires throughout the different stages of life. This more holistic understanding of relationships emphasizes the importance of a supportive community and the value of multiple forms of companionship and love.

Recognition of relationships beyond the romantic-sexual binary opens the door to a more nuanced and fuller understanding of human connection. By acknowledging the wide array of relationships and the multifaceted nature of human needs, we can build more supportive, resilient communities that empower individuals to form meaningful connections across the spectrum of human experience, mitigating the risks of isolation and loneliness. 

Part 5 talks about embracing an unconventional relationship philosophy.